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How to be a good bottom gay

There is no aspect of sex that doesn't have, at its core, an aspect of power.

A Word of Warning From Writer Alexander Cheves

So part of the thing that you have to ask yourself is, 'What am I comfortable with? Do I like initiating sex? Do I like telling my partner what to do, or do I like being told what to do? You might like taking your car for a service just as much as servicing it yourself. As Miller explains, there are outside forces that, dating back to the ancient Greeks, have prevented gay men from truly digging into what sexual behaviors we might actually enjoy.

The ongoing fetishization of masculinity means that the traditionally submissive role of the bottom is associated with effeminacy. Today, bottoming is an awesome part of my life. If you want to try bottoming, here are five pointers to get you started, with more to come in part two. Calling myself a bottom has pros and cons.

On one hand, I have an easier time finding tops — guys who enjoy taking the active role in sex.


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On the other hand, putting myself in a box is frustrating when I want to top. In my experience, most people are versatile in the right situation, or with the right person — I am. These labels make finding sex partners easier. Before hookup apps like Grindr and Scruff established these words as standard sex vocabulary, queer men used discreet street coding — colored hankies, certain types of clothing — to discreetly tell each other what kind of sex they were looking for and which role top or bottom, dominant or submissive they wanted to take.

It’s Time to Take Your Temperature on Topping and Bottoming

Bottoming is usually not extremely fun on its first attempts. For many, bottoming is uncomfortable in the beginning. With practice comes pleasure. Once you get the hang of it, bottoming feels great.

Anal sex has just as much risk as vaginal sex for unwanted sexually transmitted infections like chlamydia and gonorrhea, and since HIV is more common among certain populations transgender women of color and men who have sex with men , anal sex poses a higher risk of HIV transmission for these people. I am also HIV-positive.

1. Consume high amounts of fiber.

All sex — bottoming, topping, sucking, handjobs — involves risk. For some of us, we need to actively focus on learning how to relax. Although it is commonly believed that pain in anal sex is a normal and okay part of anal sex, this is not true. Only ever use plain, clean water — preferably body temperature.


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Douching too much can lead to bowel problems — so you should try to do it no more than times a week. As the bottom you are in control of what happens to your body.

10 Tips: Being A Better Gay Bottom

Being aware of your body is really important for healthy anal sex and pleasure. Paying attention to your body means that you can find out what helps you experience more pleasure too… finding your prostate opens up a world of pleasure to discover. So go explore your arse! Toys, positions… fisting? Sign up here.

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17 Tips for Happier, Healthier Bottoming

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